White Dude Laments Not Getting Password To The Zoom Cookout

NEWARK, NJ—HR Representative Neal Harris woke up this morning expecting to celebrate the end of the fiscal year with his coworkers at the “1st Annual Zoom Cookout" organized by his company’s Black Employee Network. 

“Even though we aren’t able to celebrate in person this year, I knew it was gonna be a blast!” said Harris, clutching him Malcolm X paperback in his hand. “Then, I realized I didn’t have the password. I dug through my entire inbox, nowhere to be found!”

We were able to get in contact with the event’s point of contact, Diversity and Inclusion Officer Greg Williams.

“Yeahhhh, about Neal,” said Williams. “I know it’s hypocritical of me to not include an employee in an employee event, but this guy’s crazy! I was standing by the water cooler one day and he just came over and said 'I don’t care what anyone says, not a damn soul. I loved The Wire.' That’s the best you could come up with? The Wire?"

“Neal thinks of himself as the office clown," said Senior Marketing Coordinator Kenia Wilson. "All he really does is make really weird jokes, says 'homie don't play that' to me a lot and—because I’m a generally nice person—I just laugh. But make no mistake: what I’m enduring is modern-day torture.”

Harris, however, was unaware of the discontent of his actions that were expressed by his coworkers. 

“I was told the meeting reached capacity. That gosh darn participant limit. It’ll getcha.”   

The standing CFO of the company, Larry Stewart, was also quoted by saying, “I’m white and even I was like, yeah, don’t let him in. Homie don't play that! You know?”