Move Over ConEd! This Apartment Runs On Big Dick Energy!
New Murray Hill resident Brad Michaels was looking for a more sustainable way to power his exercise bike, his fifteen Sonos speakers, and his vibrating water bed. After seeing an ad with Pete Davidson smirking at the camera, he knew he had to become a user of Big Dick Energy.
“My whole life I was Little Dick Energy,” says Brad, eating sushi with a fork, “But after seeing that picture of Pete Davidson, I knew I didn’t have to struggle anymore.”
And get this, residents are finding it easy to install.
“I gave Michael B. Jordan a call,” Brad explains, “And he told me that every time he smiles at a hot girl, helps an old lady cross the street, or gets a free drink at the bar, those actions translate into more Big Dick Energy. Like those canisters in Monsters, Inc. He literally said that.”
A surprising variety of people have already started contributing their own BDE, including Chris Pine, Idris Elba, Nigel Thornberry, Gerald from Hey Arnold, and many others.
“I heard Rihanna generates enough BDE to power the entire state of California!” Brad said while paying $14 for a Budweiser.
But what attracted Brad the most was Big Dick Energy’s commitment to environmental sustainability. Brad cares about the planet and wanted to offset his carbon footprint.
“BDE cuts over a trillion pounds of carbon dioxide that’d enter the atmosphere. That means we can all breathe a little cleaner. And I’m all for that!” Brad exclaimed while hitting his Axe-scented vape.
“It’s really not a problem. I have enough energy to spare,” says BDE generator Casper the Friendly Ghost.
“I’m even working on producing my own Big Dick Energy,” Brad says while zipping up his Patagonia vest.