Jobs Report: Bodega Guy Called Me “Boss” So Now I Work Here I Guess

In promising economic news, the latest jobs report showed an uptick in employment likely because the bodega guy called me “Boss” and so now I work here, I guess. 

The employment boost occurred 2 minutes ago after I ordered a bacon, egg, and cheese, when the bodega guy asked me, “You want salt pepper ketchup boss?” The four offers -- for salt, pepper, ketchup, and the management position—were accepted thereafter, followed by further substantiation with a, “You got it boss.”

While standard offer details like salary, start date, or names were not discussed, there will be plenty of time to address those when I am the boss of at least that one bodega guy, and maybe also the other guy behind the counter with the bigger mustache.

This increase was unexpected, given that I have no prior experience in food management, and I’m still worried that I’ll accidentally cut someone in line because I’m not really sure how the line works and everyone else looks so confident. However, an internal survey indicates that I am excited for this next stage in my career and for the opportunity to make the sandwiches have more meat overall. Market expectations are high that I will be drinking more Arizona Iced Tea.

Survey data estimates that the bodega industry has extended 46,000 similar job offers this week.