Crestfallen Bisexual Admits New Partner Is A Man

ORLANDO, FL—The mood turned bleak at a local game night on Friday when Selena Ramos, 24, revealed to her six closest friends that her exciting new romantic partner is, tragically, a cis-hetero man.

“You just saw the life leave her eyes when she finally got the strength to admit it,” said one friend, Janice Redding. “I’ve never seen such a defeated person. It was so sad. But, we’re here for her, always.”

Ramos, who recently came out as bisexual and was excited to enter the dating sphere, started seeing a person who can only be described as a run-of-the-mill, dime-a-dozen dude. The news sent shockwaves through the party, even reverberating down the street and disturbing neighbors out of their slumber according to police reports. Sources say that the reveal was so upsetting that everyone in attendance was immediately sobered and the game night was forced to an abrupt halt just as the CLUE killer was about to be revealed.

“I knew who did it. I was about to win the game and the $500 we had wagered on it,” said Fernando Sanchez, another friend in attendance. “But no one wins after news like that. Everyone loses. We just picked up the game and threw it in the recycling bin. We burnt the money.”

Instead, they each put their hands on Ramos’ shoulders and thighs and offered their condolences.

“I’m sorry.”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

“You have a lot of life yet to live. Don’t let this stop you. You’ll get through this.”

After a few hours of group sobbing, the friends disbanded and silently agreed never to meet again. Meteorologists say that it was the darkest, most moonless night in recent memory.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” is all Ramos could say. “I have a lot to think about.”