Close Call! Cautious Customer Refers To Black Employee As 'Taller, Nice Man'

GAINESVILLE, FL—All was well for the Porter family last night during their weekly Pizza Night Out until all hell broke loose when the patriarch of the family, James Porter, 53, fell into what sociologists refer to as the White Man's Conundrum.

After spilling a full glass of sweet tea on himself and blaming his wife for it ("Gosh dang it, Barb."), the manager noticed and asked James for his waiter’s name. But he couldn't for the life of him remember their Black waiter's name.

Finally, the moment he was afraid of had arrived:

"What does he look like?" asked the manager.

The restaurant went still. Everyone turned to see the response.

James, sweat on his brow, heart rate raising, decided he had no other recourse but to describe the waiter as the “taller, nice man.”

The entire restaurant groaned in disappointment. A toddler began to weep. A staffer quit on the spot.

“You mean Lance? You know you can say he’s Black, right?”

All reports say James claimed to “not see color” which provided meaningful dialogue for both parties after the interaction.

Lance Jackson, 24, later added a statement: “Yeah, that family was weird. I was pat on the back for showing them their table. Tipped 50% though."