Breaking: Woman At Dog Park Thinks You Should Freeze Your Eggs
BROOKLYN, NY—After her breakup with Brett Philips, Michelle Kraus, 28, found herself sobbing in random public locations. The supermarket, usually in the snack aisle—he frequently ate Ruffles Cheddar and Sour Cream Potato Chips which is so him—was among her most frequented areas. Another was the local dog run, where she takes her 2.5-year-old schnauzer mix, Lancelot. It was there that Kraus encountered the woman who would change her life.
Although Kraus never learned the fellow dog mother’s name, she’s “pretty sure she’s in her 40s and maybe works in finTech.” She has confirmed that the dog is called Kleenex. Incidentally, Kraus, who was crying fresh tears, asked for a Kleenex, and the dog rushed over.
The dog parent, who had not previously conversed with Kraus except once for a brief apology when she failed to clean up after Kleenex promptly and Lancelot consumed his excrement, inquired about Kraus’ tears and immediately asked whether Kraus had considered egg-freezing.
“We didn’t discuss whether I wanted children, my age, or anything like that,” Kraus said. “But she told me I should look into my egg viability immediately. She said it’s never too early.”
Kraus informed her that she was still mourning her one-week-old breakup and that she wasn’t sure if she even wanted children. She also added that she is a freelance graphic designer with health insurance that covers no elective procedures, to which the fellow dog parent responded, “I hear lawyers get great health insurance. Have you considered law school?”
Her life changed overnight.
Now that all of her problems are solved forever, Kraus has left her long-time therapist, Dr. Emila Ford. Kraus and Dr. Ford had been working on cognitive restructuring to address the effects of Kraus’ Generalized Anxiety Disorder.
When asked for a comment, an alarmed Dr. Ford, who earned her Ph.D. from Columbia University in 1997, said she was unable to discuss confidential patient details or disclosures. She did add, “Without using names, I would advise any patient or human being to not necessarily overhaul their life because of the offhand remark of someone who actively chose to name their dog Kleenex.”
Editor’s note: As of August 1, 2022, Kraus reports that she will not be pursuing a friendship with the fellow dog parent, citing irreconcilable differences between Lancelot and Kleenex. Kraus did not wish to elaborate, other than noting that there was an incident involving a dispute over a stick.
