'Alright, Bet, Friend.' Lin-Manuel Miranda Vows To Use Criticism To Be Cornier Than Ever
NEW YORK CITY—Famed playwright, actor, and singer Lin-Manuel Miranda has announced that he is vowing to use the recent criticism levied against him to become even cornier than ever, according to a press release.
“After absorbing, actively listening to, internalizing, and finally processing the criticism I seem to attract from every corner,” Miranda said while biting his lip. “I promise that I have heard your many, many voices. The people that immediately got online to pillory me for colorism in the film adaptation of In the Heights, TikTokers who describe my voice as 'cringe,' and Nobel Prize winner Toni Morrison: I hear you. There’s a lot of ways that I can change and I now realize I need to grow, and I promise you, I plan to use the many hurtful things that are said about and to me to become cornier and more off-puttingly heartfelt than ever.”
“I can and will do more. I promise,” he added. “I can be the corniest.”
Miranda’s longtime personal assistant Hugh Beverly was supportive but had reservations.
“I know he’s going to try, but I really don’t know if Lin can be any cornier than he already is,” Beverly said. “He’s an incredibly hard worker. All those recurring themes of 'non-stop' and unnerving sincerity are no joke, that’s really how he feels. There are just limits on how corny any individual can be, no matter how hard they work and how huge of a Kangol hat they put on, even though it’s 2021.”
Behavioral therapist Dr. Martha Carter has concerns regarding Miranda.
“People like Mr. Miranda should be applauded for accepting criticism and taking action,” Dr. Carter said. “Many public figures make a performative show of changing behavior and expanding their views without actually doing anything. I don’t sense that is the case here. I do think he’s going to reach for greater and greater levels of corniness. What I worry about is him being crushed by his own hubris. Will his next project be a jaw-clenching sincere musical adaptation of A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, but with an all-child cast or something? Will he drop a single in which he raps with a pitched-up, ‘evil’ version of himself as a representation of his eternal battle? Will he develop his own line of Timberlands? Who can say.”
As of press time, Miranda was approaching a group of youths in Red Hook to rap at them.
