What a Fumble! Washington Football Team Renamed "D.C. Wetbacks"

In a disappointing turn of events, the NFL's Washington Redskins franchise, after finally succumbing to pressure to change their racist slur team name, has decided to rebrand the team as the D.C. Wetbacks.

"They were right on the one-yard line," says former Washington fan Tybalt McGruff, who had renounced his fanship until the team was renamed. "They could've been anything. Pick literally any animal or even something as innocuous as a plant, like a corn husk or whatever. Anything but this."

Even the local Native American community was unable to celebrate the long-fought win, saying that the team just traded one mistake for another.

"Well, I was overjoyed that the disgusting term has been removed from the team and subsequently from all the merchandising," said Nina Tayen, a long-time proponent of renaming the team. "Then they unveiled the new name and my heart sank. Natives get called that too, actually."

Facing immediate backlash from fans and civil rights groups, a representative for the team was quick to double down, citing that while many name suggestions were considered (such as the Washington Wolves, the Washington Senators, the Washington Thrush, the Washington Lobbyists, the Washington Politicians, the Washington Legislators, the Washington Capitalists, the Second Eagles, and many more), they ultimately decided to go with something more "close to home."

"We're afraid our beloved team and fanbase just won't be the same without casual racism embedded into the very fabric of the game we love so dearly," said the team publicity rep. "Go Backs!"