Top 10 Most Popular Baby Names That Won’t Last Long Due To Climate Change
Are you having a baby? In this social climate? In this climate? Well good for you, I guess. If you must. Here are the top ten baby names in 2020, the age where everyone else has decided that having a baby is a bad idea.
Ashleigh. Like the ash that will soon cover our dying planet, your baby girl will be just everywhere. In your bookshelves, on top of the counters, in your closet. She will be a wild one so make sure to babyproof that condo! And you can nickname her Leigh because y’all are real-Leigh stupid for having a baby right now.
Al Gore. The only inconvenient truth here is that you’re about to have a baby while wildfires rage across America.
Rose. Flowers aren’t going to exist in 20 years and neither will this baby (probably). So why not have a sweet little reminder of a fresh bouquet of roses, a rose garden, a time when it wasn’t 130 degrees outside.
Braden. pronounced Brain-dead because that's what your dumb ass must be after inhaling all that toxic smoke. Smog ass.
Sandra. When all the world’s forests and grasslands are an unrelenting lifeless desert, Sandra is a lovely name for someone who will be existing under six feet of sand. Think Dune but less happy.
Damien. Remember The Omen? Well, this Damien will be just as big of a sign of the end times. Your baby is basically the eco-antichrist. Go you!
Zoey. Make her name the last letter of the alphabet because she may be the last baby ever born to experience a tree!
Dan. This baby is about to be born while the polar ice caps are melting. Just make his name one syllable because he simply does not have any time to waste.
(After A Grandparent.) They’ll be two peas in a pod not surviving past 2050.
Baby. You obviously don’t care about the life you’re bringing into the world right now so why not? Name that baby fucking Baby. Who cares? I don’t know. I'm concerned for you.
