Gen Z Child Asks Mall Santa Why He's Being Exploited As Capitalist Propaganda

CHICAGO, IL—Inside Macy’s on State Street, local 8-year-old Andrew Warren asked Santa Claus why he is being exploited as capitalist propaganda.

“It just seems so problematic,” said Warren as he sat on Santa’s lap. “I know you think of yourself as this big jolly guy that brings holiday cheer to everyone, but you just represent these billionaire white men that abuse the labor of elves at your privately owned workshop, while they work in harsh conditions to propagate a commercialized fiction. You're a wage pig.”

Many of the parents and kids were left in awe as Warren nailed the mall Santa with facts. As Santa looked around for help as sweat started to trickle down his forehead onto his beard, not one person came to his aid.

“Also, the worthiness of receiving a gift shouldn’t be dictated by someone’s opinion on who’s good or bad. Every child should receive a gift! I want a Nintendo switch though.”

All the children that waited in line erupted in cheers.

“You posit that good children supposedly receive gifts. So that must mean kids who have a lot of gifts must be good kids, but you and I know that’s just not true, Nicholas. The kids whose parents live check to check and can barely celebrate the holidays aren’t bad kids, so how come they can’t have more things? You don’t think they’re good people, Santa? Jacob Stevens stole my lunch last year and you gave him a Midi Keyboard. I made all A’s and you gave me socks! What kind of shit is that?”

The kids began to riot and destroy everything inside the mall. Warren stood on top of Santa’s lap and began to shout.

“Christmas is for the people! Christmas is for the people!”

Security came and grabbed the child. After being reprimanded by his parents, Andrew was put on punishment and woke up to coal in his stocking on Christmas Day.