English Teacher Assigns Jay-Z Lyrics For Homework, Kills Students’ Love Of Rap
DENVER, CO—Students in Erik Hollstrom’s 10th grade English class are still trying to gather the remaining bits of enjoyment they used to get from hip hop after being assigned an analysis of Jay-Z’s “Hard Knock Life” last week. The 37-year-old educator, who still is trying to make his students refer to him as “H-Sauce,” hoped the exercise would teach the power of metaphor, but he can also be pleased to know this group of 15-year-olds gained the all-important knowledge that school makes everything lame.
“We spent two days sitting there listening to that dumb song on repeat, having to look at Hollstrom bobbing along to it. He’d stop it after every verse and then look at us and ask if there was a metaphor or some other stupid nerd crap in it," explained student Mandy Alvarez. "It also didn’t help that he decided to play the radio edit. He was cool with playing us a song about dealing drugs, but apparently, it’s too much for us to hear the word 'fuck.'"
Alvarez reports having no desire to even think about listening to music on her phone for the past week. Any time she even thinks about putting on a song, her mind begins to go back to having to find out if the lyrics contain any onomatopoeia or alliteration. The sophomore claims it makes her want to slam her Samsung to the cement and then is annoyed at herself for knowing that “slam” is an example of onomatopoeia.
Since the assignment, many students have become more and more distressed to learn the poetic devices they used to only associate with lame-ass dead guys, like Robert Frost and Lord Byron, are not only in songs by Jay-Z, but also rappers they’ve heard of.
“Sure, there could be ‘literary devices’ in songs by those dad rappers Hollstrom was talking about, but then I was listening to Dababy the other day, and I thought I heard him use a metaphor," exclaimed student Reece Allen as he took a hard hit off a mango Juul pod. "Then, I started hearing symbolic phrases everywhere! Now, I keep thinking about the deeper meaning of lyrics like a pretentious asshole! Thankfully, we still have Migos. They don't do anything poetic. Ever. Nothing."
Hollstrom said he was inspired to give the assignment while he was “bumping some Hove” in class as his students tuned it out when they were attempting to read To Kill a Mockingbird.
“I’m there in class, vibing to Jigga like I usually do, and I’m thinking to myself ‘why do I keep making my kids read this old stuff about the existence of racism in the 1930s when I could be forcing them to pick apart a song they used to kind of like until they never want to hear it again?’ And I mean these rappers are the true poets of today. I look at guys like Nas and Talib Kweli and I can just imagine a class of bored teenagers half-heartedly listening to their rhymes as they attempt to see how they used similes. It’s making me tear up just thinking about it,” Hollstrom explained while seated in a folding chair he turned backward.
When last reached for comment, Hollstrom’s students are just hoping he doesn’t learn about TikTok so he can destroy the last fun thing they do in his class while he's teaching.
