Concert Security Devastated About How Hard The New Travis Scott Album Slaps

"Every single day I prayed and prayed that Travis would never drop the album. I guess there's no God."

Burt Lewis and many concert security guards across the country share this same sentiment about the new Travis Scott album, AstroWorld. After giving the album one listen, Burt and his compatriots are already bracing themselves for the inevitable Travis Scott Tour which, based on how hard the album slaps, is sure to be pandemonium .

Travis Scott's live show is unlike any other live show hip hop has ever seen. Scott's gothic bangers cause the kids in attendance to lose all inhibitions and go into a state of demonic euphoria. Whether it's the death-defying stage dives or the relentless mosh pits, injuries are sure to occur. "It's gonna be a bloodbath. One time I saw this guy storm into the mosh pit and when he came out the only things on his body were his Air Force 1s and his G-Shock watch," said Bill Gregory, security guard at Webster Hall. "These kids should honestly be signing liability waivers. There’s literally a line where he says, ‘It’s not a mosh pit if there’s no injuries…’ God help us all.”

Many guards have taken it upon themselves to develop contingency plans. “I know it’s going to be hell just because of how all the songs are in Caps Lock. The kids are gonna be looking to elbow anything in sight." said Donny Sheck, security guard at the Observatory.

The overall message from the guards is pretty clear: Please stay home. "If you are a parent and you love your child, do not let them come to the concert. I can not save them once the first song starts. They're on their own." said Rick Shields, perimeter guard at the Filmore.

We reached out to Travis Scott for comment. His official statement is below:

“It’s lit!”