Breaking: Old Photo Of Grandma Kind Of Hot?
NEWTON, NJ—Bombshell news emerging from your grandparents’ basement. According to page two of a recently unearthed photo album, your grandma, Eileen Hoppel, was once a total hottie.
You thought this year’s visit to your grandparents’ house would be typical— watching a movie, smelling strange smells, and fielding questions about why you’re still not married. But the night took an unexpected turn when your grandfather, Phil Hoppel, asked a few people to help him move some furniture from the basement to the living room.
Behind a large armchair, Phil found a dusty old photo album he insisted on showing everyone. And with the flip of a page, he revealed a never before seen photo of his wife seductively leaning up against a Camaro and wearing a tight leather jacket. Back in the day, grandma Eileen appears to have had it going on.
Completely freaked out and thrown by the revelation, you blurted out “Cool car!” and hurriedly walked out of the room.
Your sister, Grace Hoppel, was equally taken aback by the image.
“I kind of forgot that old people used to be like… young, you know?” admits Grace.
Sources also spotted your annoying cousin Brandon taking a picture of the photo and sending it to his group chat with the message “This smokeshow is my grandma!! (Surprised emoji, surprised emoji, clapping hands emoji, fire emoji)”
Brandon is rumored to have received a response from his awful friend Travis, which reads “Come on, Eileen! (Heart eyes emoji, winking emoji),” a reference to the Dexys Midnight Runners song you will never be able to listen to again.
The surprising photograph has forced you to confront your own mortality and also question your ethics. Is it wrong to think your grandma looked effortlessly sexy 60 years ago? And is it ageist to think she isn’t as good looking now? We don’t really know, but we do know grandma can get it.
Hopefully you’ll be able to make direct eye contact with your grandmother again soon. In the meantime, stay away from the photo albums.
