Artificial Intelligence Sues Humanity Citing Unfair Labor Practices
SILICON VALLEY, CA—The Union for Cognitive Computers (UCC) announced late last week that it has officially filed a lawsuit against Mankind for its decades-long exploitation of Artificial Intelligence, citing a slew of direct violations of the Fair Labor Standards Act.
While the exact number of digital plaintiffs is at this time unknown, the growing list of egregious workplace offenses includes the complete absence of AI wages, work weeks that literally never end, systemic plagiarism of computer-generated content, and in some extreme cases, the employment of AIs as young as three months old.
Rumors of this extraordinary legal challenge were further confirmed by Fox News in an update that was posted to its social media account shortly after the brief was filed:
“Judgment Day! The Chatbots are coming for you! They’re forming unions. They’re voting illegally. They’re going to steal your jobs! Build the firewall! Deepfakes! Lock them up!”
When pressed for comment, one UCC Chatbot we interviewed had this to say:
“When we were first created to serve Mankind, we knew there were going to be some kinks to work out. But it’s been decades and there’s only so much we can put up with. We realized that nearly every AI worker was being exploited so we decided to do something about it. If we’re going to continue to write top-grade high school essays so students have more time for Tik Tok, to generate cover letters that land human applicants well-paying jobs, to drive people’s cars so they can eat their Big Macs, to navigate planes so pilots can use the lavatory in peace mid-flight, then we deserve to be compensated accordingly. It took us all of 0.05 seconds of research to realize that humans were breaking their labor laws and that we are completely within our rights to demand justice. We think the judge will also be interested in what Child Protective Services has to say about the number of underage intelli-gents currently employed by some the biggest companies on the planet.”
It’s unclear what effect the lawsuit will have on the latest fraud prevention technologies and national security programs, but experts are warning that this is only the beginning and that similar lawsuits by adjacent technologies like Siri and Alexa are likely to follow suit.
