Ye’s Sign Language Interpreter Fired For Constantly Rolling Eyes

MIAMI, FL—At a hastily called press conference held at the Rolling Loud festival, Ye, the artist formerly known as Kanye West, announced, “Because my sign languager, 2-Eyes On Me, keeps rolling his eyeballs after I make any kind of statement, I have sent to him a Yeez and desist order and sent his eye-rolling, bad-self packing. This is how he rolled so this is how I roll, feel me?”

2-Eyes counter sued Ye for an “egregious act of intellectual property theft,” citing that—like all of Ye’s 69 interpreters before him—he found it impossible to physically hide his contempt after hearing and digesting one of the musician’s ill-prepared word salads. In an attempt to keep his job, 2-Eyes once informed Ye that he would be willing to wear various masks to shield his disgust and offending roaming eyes. In response, Ye stole 2-Eyes’ idea and began wearing masks himself in public. Ye also scoffed at the suit; stating, “I don’t know nothing about intellectual or property. If I was intellectual, why would I buy property near Kim?”

“At least I learned my lesson," continued Ye. "That’s why my next interpreter’s gonna be Fetty Wap. What’s cool is that I’ll only see one eye roll instead of two and I’ll only have to pay him part-time wages. If he don't work out, I’ll see what Stevie Wonder’s up to.”