Uncle At Wedding Determined To Somehow 'Win' The Electric Slide

DAYTON, OH—This weekend, 110 guests will descend upon Trinity Presbyterian Church for the wedding of Diana Washington and Jordan Ogletree. However, for many in attendance, the nuptials have become the warmup act for what follows—the reception. That is where Washington’s Uncle Beanie, 55, has publicly vowed to "win" at The Electric Slide when the dance inevitably takes place Saturday evening at Celebrations Banquet Center. The song is reported to play sometime after the Cha Cha Slide, but very much before the Wobble.

Beanie originally declared his intentions via his wife’s Facebook page.

“He didn’t tell me he was going to post anything,” said an agitated Aunt Viv. “Next thing I know, everyone is up on my page asking for details on his plans and nonsense.”

Beanie’s boast has been a hot topic around water coolers and across church circles.

“He’s a whole lot, but I will say, he does sprinkle some spice into that Electric Slide,” said the elaborate-hatted woman who always sits on the aisle-side of the frontmost pew.

In an interview conducted via FaceTime, a poorly framed Uncle Beanie doubled-down on the gauntlet tossed via Facebook. Following are key excerpts from that exchange:

“Ali didn’t shrink when the bell rang and I sure as Shinola don’t when I hear those first notes. When The Slide comes on, it’s go time. Shoot, I’m in it to win it. Why not let the people know?”

When asked if he realizes that The Electric Slide is a song with an accompanying dance meant to be communal and is in no way a competition, Beanie shrugged it off.

“I guess you have never seen me Slide. Because I promise if you were at Pinstripes for the 2018 Rabinowitz Bat Mitzvah or the Anderson-Johnson wedding at Cedar Springs Pavilion in 2019, you would know that there is a winner. And it's always me, youngblood."