Trader Rizz? Trader Joe's Employee Flirt Game So Good He’s Dating You And All Your Friends Now

NEW YORK CITY—Local woman was shocked last week to realize that the Trader Joe's employee who always complimented her “great purchases” is not only dating her but also all of her friends.

“John always seemed to notice I was willing to take risks on new products, even experimental ones like 'mermaid-themed pasta' and then... I guess somewhere along the line we started dating?” said local blonde, Laurena Hemsworth. “It happened so seamlessly the transition from worker to boyfriend-and I really did think we had something special until I saw John on Instagram with some of my closest friends posing with cute Trader Joe's plants and making out.”

Laurena’s friend, Margot, who is also dating John from Trader Joe's, was eager to share her point of view.

“Usually I wouldn’t date a close friend's boyfriend, but the way he looked through my tote bag and really noticed each one made me feel seen,” said Margot, wistfully. “He noticed that I didn’t get the almond peanut butter reeses cups but instead chose to get the gluten-free version—which is slightly better for the environment. He’s meeting my parents next week.”

This local Trader Joe's lothario, John, had his own take.

“Oh yeah, I date most women who I serve at work,” John said, polishing his photo of him and Lauren throwing Trader Joe's Halloween-themed cereal at each other while lightly kissing. “They just teach you customer service here so well that everyone just falls in love with you so I guess it’s just part of the job.”