Free Fast Pass? Judge To Sentence Rittenhouse To Weekend At Six Flags To De-Stress Post Trial

KENOSHA, WI—Earlier this morning, judge Bruce Schroeder sentenced 17-year-old Kyle Rittenhouse, who was on trial for killing two protestors and injuring one after gunning them down during last year's BLM protests, to a weekend at Six Flags as a way for the shooter to de-stress post-trial.

Schroeder, who affectionately called Rittenhouse “my sweet baby boy” throughout the trial, felt the sentence was fair.

“My boy, my little buddy has been through a lot already,” said Schroeder while tearing up. “He’s killed two people, and already has plans to kill more of these rioters so the least we can do is provide him a weekend of some much-needed RnR before he goes back out there."

According to the judge, the sentence will include meal vouchers, a hotel, and a flash pass so Rittenhouse doesn’t have to wait in line.

“My angel gets a little anxious in crowds, as we all saw last summer,” said Schroeder while cradling Rittenhouse back and forth in his arms. “The flash pass will allow Kyle to get on rides as many times as possible and avoid lines, crowds, and especially anyone who isn’t white."

According to sources close to Rittenhouse, the 17-year-old isn’t thrilled about the sentence.

“Kyle is a little upset because he wanted to go to Six Flags Fright Fest instead of just a regular weekend in November but unfortunately, the trial was still happening during Halloween,” said a close friend of Kyle’s from the far-right group, Proud Boys. “It sucks but we all hope the kid can relax before getting back out there.”

Schroeder hopes the sentence will lift Rittenhouse's spirits.

“I wish I could do more. I can’t help but think I’ve let him down but I’ll be there with him,” said Schroeder while sentencing a Black man to 40 years in prison for not paying a parking ticket. “I heard the Batman ride is great plus Kyle is a hero in our eyes so it will be very meaningful to ride it together.”