Border Crisis: This Child Can't Color In The Lines
TUSCON, AZ—Midterms are rapidly approaching, and Alice Whittemore, 9, will fail if she can’t manage to solve the border crisis. Her school year has been plagued with brown crayons hopping the lines and infesting predominantly white areas. More commonly known as illegal colorization.
Her plan is simple: build a line. A line longer, thicker, and taller than anything these coloring books have seen before.
Whittemore campaigns the hallway of Wadsworth Elementary in between periods, collects donations of lunch money, and chants “Build the Line!” A group of proud-looking boys follow, adding their own chants of “Stop the Steal"—Referring to the 2020 class pet election where the proud boys believe their candidate, a fat orange snake, wrongfully lost to a senile old hamster.
They are also lobbying to get more urinals lowered as they are sometimes hard to reach.
Ms. Whittemore needs every cheerleader, bully, and rich kid on her side as this decision will fall on clique lines. Without garnering enough support, she’ll have to resign from her position of power as line leader.
Sources close to Alice (her little sister Kathy) say she has gone so far as to deport brown crayons from her pencil case. Brown crayons that have lived their entire lives in that case. Brown crayons ruthlessly separated from their Crayola family.
What Alice fails to realize is that her picture has always contained brown, always will contain brown, and would collapse if brown was completely removed from the color palette.
