Why I Got A Forever Tramp Stamp To Save The USPS

The thought of the USPS being dismantled and destroyed has been keeping me up at night. This government agency that has been delivering our mail since 1775 provides critical services for our veterans, citizens in rural areas, and grandmas who send you $5 in a birthday card each year.

I’ve tried buying stamps, sending more snail mail; I even went to the Post Office yesterday to lift the employees’ spirits with a little dance, but they told me to get the fuck out of line. Nothing has worked. I’ve realized there is only one thing I can do to save the USPS: get a giant fucking forever stamp tattooed on my lower back. 

I know what you must be thinking: How will this help? And to that I say, how won’t it help? Uh, have you ever heard of symbolism? As I lay on the tattoo artist’s table, enduring the pain of their vibrating needle, I will be thinking of every mail person who has delivered my packages in the rain, sleet, or snow. I will be thinking of all the people working on their farms in Iowa now able to vote by mail, thanks to my beautiful body art. I will be thinking, neighbor, of you.  

On a personal note, it’s pretty cool that I’ll be able to mail my body anywhere in the continental U.S., but it’s not about that. It's about saving a bedrock institution of our great nation. However, I can’t decide between the ‘Peace Rose’ or the ‘Celebration Boutonniere.’