Too Little, Too Late: Chick-Fil-A Releases Gay Chicken Sandwich
Amid national fervor for Popeyes’ critically acclaimed new chicken sandwich, Chick-fil-A has again come under fire for its company’s homophobic attitudes.
But Chick-fil-A has a plan. Chick-fil-A CEO Dan Cathy announced Wednesday that his company is also releasing a new chicken sandwich — and this one is gay.
“This chicken sandwich is technically gay, but it doesn’t make a big deal about it. Like it’s just another chicken sandwich — you just happen to find out it’s gay 2 years later when you notice it has a framed photograph on its desk of itself with another man,” explained Cathy.
“This chicken is gay but it is straight passing,” confirms Chick-fil-A cashier, Wendy Li. “It tastes okay, I guess. It’s neither here nor there.”
When asked what made the chicken sandwich gay, Cathy got cagey. “Well, that’s a pretty inappropriate question right? But if I had to get into it, there’s a few ways you can tell the sandwich is gay. For example, the sandwich believes it ‘never has to come out, because straight people don’t have to.’ The sandwich’s wardrobe consists of exclusively Uniqlo and Everlane. When the sandwich cleans under its fingernails, it has its palm facing away (as opposed to curling its fingers over).”
“Basically there’s a lot of clues that the well-informed Chick-fil-A customer will be able to slowly cobble together,” added Cathy.
“Unfortunately the sandwich is going to hell, but, you know: judge the sin, not the sandwich.”
The sandwich is already finding celebrity endorsements. California senator and 2020 presidential candidate Kamala Harris has become one of the most vocal: “This is the perfect amount of gay: not overwhelming, and I can throw it in the trash when I’m done with it.”
Headline by: Benson Anwuri