The Results Are In: You Play Too Much

The Results Are In: You Play Too Much

An independent panel of scientists have finally come to a conclusion after years of research, and they unanimously agree: you play too god damn much.

“We’re not sure if there is anything to be done. Some people have the ‘play too much gene’, others are regular people who can read the room and know when to stop messing around. Unfortunately, you’ve got the gene...bad.” said scientist Donny Tines.

The 10 years of research were conducted mostly in secret, simply just observing your actions. One instance captured by the scientists included the time you were running around the house as a kid and your mother had already told you to stop. A person without the gene would have stopped running around the house after the second time their mother told them to stop in a hushed tone with her lips tight. But you, a person who chronically plays way too much, ran around the house until you bumped into a table, destroyed a vase and had to be spanked at 120 BPM.

Another instance the scientists picked up was you flicking your significant other in the butt. At first, your partner thought it was mildly amusing. But, after 17 flicks, it was getting old. Your partner gave you the customary “All right, really. Stop.” but you were hell-bent on playing too much. So, you continued to flick until your partner snapped at you about how you never listen and are a bad communicator. The night ended with you two sleeping a foot away in bed but not before your partner muttered to themselves, “you play too much.”

The scientists aren’t sure what’s next for you. “It’s in God’s hands now. We hope the gene eventually disappears for your sake and especially for the sake of the people around you.”

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