Streaming Wars Begin! Local Bootlegger Unveils Knock Off Streaming Site, Disny±
The “Streaming Wars” have officially begun.
Prominent Bronx bootlegger, Afi Nadif, 56, who is known locally for selling poorly-ripped DVDs of unreleased movies in plastic sleeves outside of the Fordham Rd. Station, has made the long-awaited announcement:"
“Ladies and gentlemen, I am pleased to announce that the bootleg community is creating a streaming service,” yelled Nadif to an empty Kennedy Fried Chicken three minutes before closing.
Since the controversial arrival of Disney+, the gigantic streaming service unveiled by the Disney Corporation that is making waves in the streaming economy, competitors are making big changes in order to stay relevant. Netflix, Hulu, Amazon Prime and HBO are all trying to secure their footing with this new titan in the mix. And the bootleggers are no different.
“Netflix was a big blow to us, there’s no denying,” explained Nadif as he walked through the 4 train after a Yankees game, wielding a copy of Hustlers called Bustlers and a copy of It: Chapter 2 in which Bill Hader has been inexplicably replaced by a Taiwanese man.
“But, we think our customers will be happy that our service offers the same great content as our competitors, but at a much more reasonable price.”
And the pricing model is astounding, undercutting all major services handedly by offering the entire platform for “a buck fifty” or the exclusive sale price, “what you got?”
The streaming site will feature nearly every movie or show in existence, especially anything related to Tyler Perry in any way. It will also have a large selection of viewable modes to enhance the bootleg experience such as: Slavic subtitles, obnoxiously large watermarks, the cameraman adjusting his tripod during the movie, no sound and many more.
The entirety of Disny± is currently on one very scratched DVD in the back seat of Nadif’s car, but is set to launch to the public as soon as Nadif’s nephew can figure out how to make the webpage.