Report: Man Has Talking Points Ready In The Event That He Is Called Racist

Report: Man Has Talking Points Ready In The Event That He Is Called Racist

In a developing story out of Baltimore, MD, local resident Benjamin Masters, 26, announced that he is finalizing his prepared speech outline on why he is not racist in the event that anyone calls him such a thing that he does not identify as.

Just in case anyone comes for him for his words and actions, he wants to be able to defend himself and his allyship. 

“I know that, on the surface, I look like every white, caucasian man, many of which are racist, some I’m even related to like my uncle and sometimes my dad. But I assure you that I am not racist, and if anyone ever does call me that, I have counterpoints prepared,” Masters explained over the phone from his job at his all-white startup company. 

Masters was generous enough to allow us to publish the counterpoints from his bulleted iPhone note, including: 

  1. I don’t ask minorities where they’re really from.

  2. I don’t see color.

  3. I love rap, hip-hop, trap, ‘R-and-B.’

  4. I have a black friend.

“I know that last one is a bit too much of a classic, but it’s true, Ronald’s my homeboy,” he confessed, referring to a former coworker from three jobs ago. 

“America is a melting pot and we need to respect it for what it is,” he said earnestly. When FLEXX pushed him further on his idea and asked if he perhaps without realizing is promoting the idea of assimilation into a dominant national culture. “I’m afraid to even wear a red hat, no matter what it says.” 

“Ben spent a lot of time on that goddamn list, time that could have been used to actually help out minorities, like me, when I asked him to look over my resume. I am tired of working in retail,” said black friend Ronald. “I was asking him to hook me up at his start up so I can finally use my computer engineering degree but he said I wasn’t a good culture fit.”

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