Power Outage Leaves Puerto Ricans Trapped On Roller Coaster For 20 Months

Power Outage Leaves Puerto Ricans Trapped On Roller Coaster For 20 Months

Citing complications dating back to Hurricane Maria, anonymous tipsters told FLEXX on Monday that a power outage had left several Puerto Rican park-goers trapped on a roller coaster for roughly 20 months.

“They’ve been stuck up there for over a year now. We were briefly able to restore power back in January, but we lost electricity again right as the ride hit its third loopty-loop,” said an employee of Bayamon’s Parque De Adventuras who asked not to be named. 

“The government handed Six Flags a multi-million dollar contract to help us repair our rides, but we haven’t heard from them in months. Somebody from FEMA came by last year to assess the damages, but he said we should be able to fix it ourselves. Then a couple weeks ago, they randomly shipped us a brand new Merry-Go-Round—even though our old Merry-Go-Round is working perfectly fine.” 

At press time, power had been finally restored to the island, but park officials couldn’t figure out how to get the roller coasters to stop.

World Record: Native Mom Obtains 786 Extra Napkins In Starbucks Drive-Thru

World Record: Native Mom Obtains 786 Extra Napkins In Starbucks Drive-Thru

Nick Cannon Sniped During Wildstyle For Announcing Evidence Of Dr. Sebi's AIDS Cure

Nick Cannon Sniped During Wildstyle For Announcing Evidence Of Dr. Sebi's AIDS Cure