Pokémon Announces New Pair Of Games: Sleep And Woke

Pokémon Announces New Pair Of Games: Sleep And Woke

After the success of Pokémon Go, the company that got you, your mom and your grandma out of the house capturing cute creatures and starting turf wars with your neighbors, is set to release two new games: Pokémon Sleep and Pokémon Woke.

Tsunekazu Ishihara, CEO of The Pokémon Company, asks the question: “What if you could continue training your Pokémon...while earning clout?”

Pokémon Woke works by connecting the game to your social media accounts. Simply add #PokémonWoke to a new post and yell about imperialist, racist, sexist attitudes in the mainstream media. The more likes, reactions, shares, and comments you get on a Woke post, the more experience your Charizard and Jigglypuff gain for themselves. Finally, there’s a real incentive to spread awareness of the inherent corruption and injustice in our systems of government and in the world as a whole. Do it for the Pokémon and be the wokest trainer on the block.

Pokémon Woke also appropriates the technology from Pokémon Go that gives your Pokémon experience while you walk around by making it so that you earn double the points for participating in local protests or canvassing on behalf of progressive candidates.

Conversely, Pokémon Sleep allows you to do just the opposite. With every tweet or social media post that turns a blind eye to how dogshit the system is, you’ll gain EXP as well, only this time all the other Pokémon will be mad at you for just, like, not even caring. They’ll stop hanging out with your Pokémon. They’ll say things like, “You’re living in a dream world,” and “You’re culpable!” Your Pokémon will find itself out of the loop socially, politically, even at home with its parents. Your Pokémon will be stress free, but, honestly, at what cost? 

“Hillary Clinton once said ‘Pokémon Go to the polls’, and that was wack AF,” says Ishihara. “Blatant pandering. We say get Pokemon Woke and dismantle corporate capitalism.”

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