Op Ed: Hush, Child
Listen, your father and I have both had a long day. He put in an extra shift at the hospital. I had to break up a fight in my class room and then these T-Mobile people tested my patience for two-and-a-half hours. Tonight, we are all going to enjoy some family quiet time. Don't make me spell this out for you. Hush, child.
Tell your little friends to go home. I don't want to hear y'all dribbling a basketball all night in the backyard. And no, they can't play XBox with you in the basement—we can hear you from upstairs and I bet they could hear y'all from outer space. Tell them to go.
Child, what did I tell you? I said I want them gone. Do you care to explain why I still hear Eric's high-pitched scream, cussing up a storm in my house? You're playing online!? Turn it off! I don't care if it's Fortnite, Fight Night, Gladys Knight and The Pips could be in that damn machine—I want it off!
What is it now? You want me to sign-off on a field trip? I'll look at it tomorrow when I have a chance. I asked your father—he doesn't want to sign it either, let him rest his eyes. Damn thing has more pages than an NDA form. It's not our problem you waited until the last minute to have it signed. While your classmates are down at the Franklin Learning Center, you can sit here and learn yourself a valuable lesson about procrastination. Leave the paper on my dresser and go focus on your homework.
I cannot believe this child. What is all that rustling I hear from your room!? You're reading Dreams From My Father for a history project? Well why are you flipping those pages so loudly!? That's it. I am fed up. Pack your things, you're staying at your grandmother's tonight.