'No One Believed Us,' FindHotGirls.Com Bankrupt Despite Actually Having Tons Of Hot Women In Your Area

POUGHKEEPSIE, NY—In a stunning announcement, FindHotGirls.com and its subsidiaries have filed for bankruptcy.

“It’s with a heavy heart that we announce the shuttering of all sites, including the parent site," in-house counsel Drexel Stewart read in a statement. "Our ethos was to help dumpy, undesirable dudes that cannot stop masturbating to connect with hot, awesome women that are in their area and ready for sex, but apparently that is not the case. The market has spoken and the demand simply is not there."

Opening in 1993 as a brick-and-mortar store in Poughkeepsie, NY, FindHotGirls quickly transitioned into the online space in an effort to let people meet all over the globe.

“We had some success initially, but we wanted to connect more people. We thought to ourselves, why not advertise in the margins of free porn websites? Who knew that would be our greatest downfall”, owner and operator Melissa 'Vroom' McKliskly stated in an IG post.

“In all actuality, the website was independently funded for most of its life, and filed as a 401(c)(3) non-profit,” noted Portages Hook-Up Historian Alexandro Gonçalves.

“In the last decade or so, the money they had raised for the website via donations went to Doctors Without Borders and The Red Cross exclusively. This will be a major hardship falling onto this organization. And we’re not even thinking of all those sexy women who will have no one to talk to them, or hook up with them. They will now go forever unfucked, I guess.”

The sub-domains listed under the banner website that will shut down as well will be:

• FindHotGuys

• FindCuteGuysWhoDontCheatPlease

• BigDicksBadBodiesNiceHugs

• GirlsWhoDontLikeWitchCraft

• ThisMagicPillIncreasesDickSize

• AstroWorldTruthers

• R.KellyCanRead

At presstime, McKliskly stated she had just debriefed a Senate subcommittee explaining the necessity of the website and its humanitarian purpose. Thankfully, many of the male-identifying congressmen feel the site foreclosure should be treated as a global crisis on par with climate change and the lack of religion in school.

"This has taken all my attention," said Senator Joe Manchin.