New NFL Policy: If You Kneel During The Anthem You Get Extra CTE

New NFL Policy: If You Kneel During The Anthem You Get Extra CTE

Mark up another win for Roger Goodell!

As punishment for “kneeling-related” insubordination, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell has announced a new league-wide policy, effective immediately. Starting with the next gameday, any players who kneel during the anthem will be immediately slapped with a bad case of CTE. 

According to an official league statement, the concussion-induced neurological disease now known as CTE will be weaponized, and distributed to NFL players with a “drop of ‘rebellious’ blood” in them.

“I have paid expert attorneys from Harvard Law School over $800 million to ensure that we can effectively litigate against any wholesome, non-protesting players who begin to get CTE,” said Goodell. “We will stop that from happening. Only the colored ones, I mean the protesters, can get CTE.”

Houston Texans owner Bob McNair expressed delight and glee over the announcement.

“For years, this is what every franchise owner has been begging for. Mostly me!” said McNair.

“I can only read this as a positive sign that the league might actually implement my ‘Give The White Players Swords’ proposal.”

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