Neon Sign Can't Wait To Unplug After A Long Day Illuminating Drunk White Girls
Breathing a sigh of relief as the bartender yelled last call, a neon sign hanging in the backroom of Fawn & Parsley bar couldn't wait to unplug after a long day illuminating drunk white girls.
"They've got me working nonstop to lend this place a little atmosphere and give these gluesticks some color. I clocked in twelve hours ago and I've just been posing for an endless stream of Tinder and Instagram pictures ever since," said the bright neon palm tree, which radiates a flattering magenta hue.
White girl sources spoke well of the neon sign when reached for comment. "The lighting here is a fucking vibe. This is where I bring all my first dates 'cause it makes me look all artsy or whatever; like I’m an extra in Moonlight—which definitely deserved Best Picture, by the way" said 27-year-old Lizzie Albrecht.
"It took everything in my power to keep my composure and not just shut down when Lizzie spilled those shot glasses all over me,” said the neon sign, describing the low-point of his twelve-hour shift.
"As soon as I finish this shift, I’m gonna start looking for other jobs. Maybe I'll get into to stage lighting—my cousin works at the Williamsburg Hall Of Music and he only has to light these white folks for two hours a night. I also have a cousin that works in a sex club and he just lights up assholes."