Nation's White Dads Hesitantly Point To Number 27 On Chinese Food Menu

Nation's White Dads Hesitantly Point To Number 27 On Chinese Food Menu

Reaching an unsteady finger outward towards the menu, America’s white fathers lined up last Sunday to point at number 27 on their local Chinese restaurant’s menu. The fact that the restaurant, which specializes in Sichuan cuisine, prints its items both phonetically and in English for these exact purposes, did not stop the dads from gesturing hesitantly and saying, “uhhhh, I’ll have this one right here.”

Local white son Devin Stoller, 28, noted that, “my dad always orders General Tso’s chicken. It doesn’t even have any Mandarin words in the name. First off, it’s not Chinese. Second, it’s literally a guy’s name and then the word chicken and yet he acts like he’s uncovered the Rosetta Stone.” Despite this comment, his father Richard Stoller was unconvinced, saying, “I just would hate to be offensive, sport, you know I always struggle with those Oriental phrases. Better to be on the safe side.”

“We’ve tried so many different things,” added another local white son, Jeff Blum, 24, “we’ve told him that no one is going to be mad at him if he messes up and have even taken him to a Panda Express. Nothing works. He just points at the menu like it’s inside of a jeweller’s case.” 

“I just want to make sure that there’s no confusion, that we get what we ordered,” said Jeff’s dad Brian, pointing to the number 64 and a picture of steamed white rice. 

Restaurant chef Kevin Tang commented, “Every time a white dad comes in and points at the menu, I just end up making whatever I want, so it works for me.”

Quiz: Fuck You Think This Is?

Quiz: Fuck You Think This Is?

REPORT: Rapper Is White, And He’s Gonna Talk About It

REPORT: Rapper Is White, And He’s Gonna Talk About It