Mattel Releases New Cancelled Barbie
Inclusivity slam dunk!
Mattel, the maker of Barbie, has recently partnered with New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft to release their brand new Cancelled Barbie.
While many are still waiting on a transgender Barbie, Mattel CEO Ynon Kreiz claimed that Cancelled Barbie was being rushed to shelves due to the growing popularity of cancel culture. “Now that it’s easier than ever to get cancelled, it felt right to make a Barbie that cancelled celebrities could see themselves in. Diversity is so important and a cornerstone of our 60 years of success.”
Cancelled Barbie made her debut at a luncheon for the International Association of Cancelled Celebrities, where Logan Paul was the keynote speaker.
According to Mattel, Cancelled Barbie is a graduate of the University of Phoenix and now works at Monsanto as their social media manager. She is married to the CEO of Spirit Airlines, listens exclusively to Kid Rock, and her favorite movie is The Interview with Seth Rogen and James Franco. She wears a Von Dutch trucker hat unironically. Her catchphrases include “PC culture is toxic,” “I’m sorry you got offended,” and “Freedom of speech is the First Amendment,” and with the deluxe edition she even says, “Social Justice Warriors are destroying America.”
Barbie enthusiasts are excited to get their hands on this new doll to add to their collections.
“I’ve never seen myself in a Barbie before,” said Roseanne Barr, tearing up upon first glance at the Cancelled Barbie. “I finally feel represented and validated in my terrible opinions.”
“I partnered with Barbie so my grandchildren could have a doll to play with that inspired them,” commented Kraft from his jail cell. “As we always say: Getting cancelled is just free publicity!”