Manned Spaceflight Hampered By Inclusion Of Filipino Hype Beast
CAPE CANAVERAL, FL— While SpaceX’s recent manned Demo-2 flight to the International Space Station has been touted as a historic success, some researchers were baffled at the onboard presence of aspiring Bay Area DJ Justin “J-Dizzy” Flores, a self-described “swagapino” with no spaceflight qualifications whatsoever.
“Honestly, I don’t know who could have approved this,” shouted NASA spokeswoman Dana Wise, struggling to make herself heard during a post-launch press conference that Flores took as an opportunity to repeatedly cover songs by Bruno Mars using a ukulele. “This is what it was like up there. He took that damn ukulele into the space capsule. Mission control could barely hear the other astronauts, and the snapback hat he wore on top of his spacesuit kept floating into the control panels.”
At press time, NASA administrators were debating whether to redact Flores’ many, many uses of the n-word from official flight transcripts.