Man Can’t Decide If List He Found On Fridge Hot Sauces Or Sexual Positions
After discovering a cryptic note on his girlfriend’s refrigerator, overly-attentive boyfriend Tim Jenkins doesn’t know yet if the list he found is a collection of hot sauces or possible sexual positions, but he's determined to find out.
“At first I thought it was a grocery list. ‘The Fireman’s Ball’ and ‘Titania’s Chalice’ both sound like brand names or something. I was ready to drive to the store. Then, I saw the name ‘The Red Rocket’ and thought: wait, this could be a sex thing," declared Jenkins as he recalled the time last week when his girlfriend shouted “Alabama Slamma!” in the midst of their lovemaking.
Scouring the list for definitive meaning and finding none, a visibly excited Jenkins exclaimed that he was feeling a bit nervous but that he was willing to try new things if this was what his girlfriend, Meagan Hurley, wanted. “I mean, ‘The Tallahassee Twister’ can’t be too difficult, right?” asked Jenkins, as he stared into the middle distance of his tiny kitchenette, imagining he and Meagan astride a futuristic mechanical bull.
“You got to keep the fire alive in a relationship. I just want to know what I’m dealing with here before I’m tied to our bed with a sparkler hanging out of my ass,” said Jenkins, while staring at an entry on the list called ‘Nero’s Fiddle’.
Hunched over his laptop combing Urban Dictionary for answers, a crazed Jenkins took notes regarding entries for "The Mississippi Mudflap."
“See? There’s no way that these are hot sauces!”
But when Jenkins looked again he remarked, "But then right here is 'Cholula'… I feel like I’m just rolling the dice.”
Assured in his detective work, Tim Jenkins was last seen purchasing an industrial sized container of whale jelly online for an evening of sexual acrobatics called "Satan’s Sombrero.” Meagan Hurley could not be reached for comment as she had just won first place in the Morgan Country Chili Cookoff.