Loneliest Rapper: Future’s Album On Frequency Only The Basest Fuckers Can Hear
Are there plenty of fish in the sea?
Future’s new record, The Wizrd, has made quite the splash — but only in the foulest annals of Twitter. Just like 52, a solitary whale whose call cannot be heard by fellow whales, The Wizrd was recorded at a frequency only audible to the most ignoble men in America.
“We warned him,” explained producer ATL Jacob, who worked with Future on the album, and who, by comparison, is a normal God fearing man. “I told him we couldn’t hear shit. We just fiddled with knobs until he nodded.”
“I heard the dog next door start barking so I knew it was some heinous shit,” he went on to elaborate. “Later, when I saw that dog - he was cheating on his bitch.”
Reactions on Twitter were varied. “I do not hear shit,” tweeted @JamilaMarks99. “Is there a new album? I clicked on it and it’s just an hour or so of silence and then a Spotify ad.”
Meanwhile, @fuccboiMilton911 felt differently. “NEW FUTURE EMPOWERING ME….DUMPING MY GIRL AND MY FAMILY” he tweeted.
“I WANT 2 CRASH MY CAR TO THIS,” tweeted another.
On the other end of the spectrum, however, some Spotify users have never heard a Future song once.
“I remember when Drake did an album with this Future guy. I wish I could’ve heard it,” explained Sarah Baxter, “Half that album was dope. The other half was just a weird sonic drone I heard in the back of my cochlea.”
In related news, the US military is investigating using the record as a futuristic weapon. Flexx has reached out to Future for comment, but we couldn’t hear what his gnarly ass said.