J.K. Rowling To Pen 'Blacked Raw' Prequel Story

J.K. Rowling To Pen 'Blacked Raw' Prequel Story

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J.K. Rowling, of Harry Potter authorship has announced her newest project: a Blacked Raw prequel tale, rumored to depict a “whole new world of magic.”

Rowling has recently realized her true calling: writing pure and unadulterated smut. The author has become notorious for updating the canon of her beloved franchise with juicy, horny details, even outside the confines or framework of an actual story. Critics have noted that most of her recent “updates” have almost all been deeply sexual, and only marginally relevant to the plot or canon. This approach has come with drawbacks.

“She keeps retconning characters to be LGBT, but never actually shows them being LGBT,” gripes one Laura Kingsley, a long time Potterhead. “And now she’s going straight for that sweet smut content, but leaving out… literally everything else about the franchise.”

“I’m actually tired of her shit,” said Terrence Burk, another Potterhead. “Every time there’s a new installment to the universe, it’s in some bogus way. Like a four hour play or a movie with Johnny Depp. Like come on. Now I gotta get all horned up just to see what happens? I mean, I will. But c’mon.” 

The movie is going to star Jason Luv and Helena Bonham Carter.

A frustrated Rowling refused our interview, but a close source explained, “She’s having some trouble with the black character.”

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