Jewish Man Upset Coworkers Didn't Notice Hanukkah Sweater

Seen sobbing on the F train Thursday night, Brooklyn resident Joshua Goldman, 31, reportedly clutched a blue Hanukkah sweater—adorned with a menorah and white stitching that read “Lit"—and assailed his coworkers. 

“We are reminded of Christmas all month. They have Santa, the tree, all the fun movies and music. And what to do us Jewish people get? Huh? A new Adam Sandler special?” he said through teary eyes. “They didn’t even say Happy Hanukkah. They didn’t even blink an eye. Is this anti Semitism?” 

Witness Helen Gerber said, “He seemed really upset. He was mumbling to himself while trying to rip the menorah off his sweater. I think there might be more to it though. Like I think they just don’t fuck with him."

The National Center for Ignored Holidays (NCIH), in a 2016 study, found only 10% of all holiday sweaters are Hanukkah themed. Holiday sweater scientists conducted a cross-sectional study among the nation's top retailers. “It’s problematic and speaks volumes to Goldman’s condition. Just imagine shopping at a store, getting excited for your religious holiday, and only having a 1/10 chance of finding a Hanukkah sweater. Then you find one and nobody even bangs with you that way. That is Hanukkah in a nutshell,” said lead researcher Robert Cupp. 

When reached for comment, colleague Judy Atkinson recalled Goldman’s sartorial choices. “Yeah, I’ll acknowledge his Hanukkah sweater when he notices my Buddhist one. You think I like wearing this thing?”