Jamaican Restaurant Automatically Loses One Star On Yelp For Not Displaying Poster Of Lady In Wet T-Shirt

Jamaican Restaurant Automatically Loses One Star On Yelp For Not Displaying Poster Of Lady In Wet T-Shirt

How do I know this place is authentic?

Everything was going well on the grand opening of Kingsley’s on Flatbush, as it became the newest Jamaican restaurant in New York to bring that hot island flavor and that weak-ass styrofoam. That is, until one man noticed something was missing: the iconic 1972 photograph of Sinatra Bronte in a wet, red Jamaica t-shirt.

“The jerk chicken was amazing! You could really tell they selected the perfect pimento tree for the smoking. But something was off,” said Burt Childs, a first-generation Jamaican whose parents emigrated to the city from Mandeville. “Why didn’t it feel like home? Then I realized, the poster was missing. It takes a little bit away from the experience, ya know?” 

Burt was planning on giving Kingsley's on Flatbush a solid 4.5. But after noticing the poster was missing, he had no choice but to drop it to a 3.5, even though the restaurant had everything else I’ve come to expect: an absolute disregard for the line, multiple fishnet shirts, and one Jamaican customer straight-up walking into the kitchen to chit-chat.”

Jamaica is a country with rich and storied traditions. But many times, people just want the easy cultural touchstones: weed, beaches, Bob Marley and the poster of a voluptuous woman in red.

“If I go to a pizza place, I expect to see a black-and-white photo of the Godfather signed by Mike Piazza. If I go to a Chinese spot, I want to see that little waving cat thing. If I go to a Mexican restaurant, I expect to watch kids play the I Can Stomp Louder Than You game,” said Paul Egert, a fledgling food critic. “This place was a cool 4.5. Too bad it’s getting a 3.5 from me. It’s the principle. I felt insulted”

Kingsley, the owner and namesake of the establishment, is confused but understands why people are upset. “Mi nah tink bout da postuh, bredgin. Nah mi just got to be da stereotype.” 

At press time, Kingsley was seen changing up his specially-curated mix CD of Caribbean deep cuts to the compilation album Legend by Bob Marley, and installing incredibly harsh fluorescent lighting.

Poll: Island-Wide Support For Statehood Plummeting After 'Tonight Show' Puerto Rico Special

Poll: Island-Wide Support For Statehood Plummeting After 'Tonight Show' Puerto Rico Special

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS! LMFAO Reunites To Lead Campaign Against Anti-Vaxxers

SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS! LMFAO Reunites To Lead Campaign Against Anti-Vaxxers