International Olympics Committee Adds Republican Mental Gymnastics To Games For Tokyo 2020

International Olympics Committee Adds Republican Mental Gymnastics To Games For Tokyo 2020

To prepare for one of the most exciting evolutions in modern Olympic programming history, architects are preparing to stage the politically acrobatic events where Republicans will perform routines in justifying their beliefs and policies despite facts and data. 

The Organizing Committee for Tokyo 2020 was able to propose this ridiculing event thanks to the flexibility granted by the Olympic Agenda 2020 and the willingness of Republicans to proudly share their degressive beliefs.

“Mental Gymnastics has two elements to it,” shared Charlie Kirk, a Republican whose weaving of contradictory beliefs into an illogical complex of beliefs has accrued the support of fellow conservatives. “One is political engagement, and the other is cognitive dissonance. We need the political resistance of Republicans who fight against the popular liberal agenda every day, but we also need to prevent objective facts from debunking our beliefs.” 

The most striking display of Republican Mental Gymnastics came to light after the recent event of witnessing states across the U.S. justify abortion bans despite poorly supported social programs and ongoing threats to children in the current political climate. 

Republican Congressmen Tim Murphy is a sure bet to take home the gold in 2020 for how firmly he stands advocates for a ban on all abortions while privately pressuring his mistress. 

“And if you aren’t determined enough to firmly hold onto your beliefs, you’re not cut out for this,” Murphy said of the endurance required that has coined him the Gabrielle Douglas of Gymnastics.

Paris 2024 organizers have already shared their support for the event and have begun brainstorming the next series of games that would include the 53% of white women who voted for Trump.

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