“I’m On Some Comedy Rock Star Shit,” Says Kevin Hart On Loathing Gay People
You heard it here first, folks. Kevin Hart, star of 2015’s blockbuster hit The Wedding Ringer, has finally spoken out with an Instagram post that reads “Comedic Rockstar Shit” next to an image of him dunking on gay people.
“I’m done apologizing,” explained Hart, while looking over the latest script for his newest unreleased film that somehow already has a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes. “People who get me, get me. I’m always changing. Always growing. But hating on gay people, I’m sorry, that’s just what comedic rockstars do. That and cheating on their wives,” he said without looking up from his script (which was merely a jumble of letters, hieroglyphs and dick drawings).
The statement in question follows the Oscars committee asking Hart to step down from hosting this year’s ceremony. “Man, that shit was gay as hell,” said Hart.
“I live a rock star’s life. I drive fast cars, I sleep with tons of girls, and I tweet like someone who’s been trapped inside Xbox Live all Mike Teevee-style since 2005. If you think I’m being offensive, understand that jokes are jokes. But that gay people? I’ll end them.”
Some fans think Kevin Hart is standing up to the PC liberal media, but others just wish he’d stop making movies.
“I heard he was going to host the Oscars,” said Brooklyn local Jay Green, “I was kind of interested in seeing him scream the nominees as loud as possible.”
“The louder you are, the funnier you are,” Kevin Hart explains in response to the quote. “That’s why when I call people ‘the F-word’ I make sure to scream it in a high pitched voice, capable of shattering glass.”