I Hurt My Back So Badly I Accidentally Got A BBL? How You Can Do The Same

NEW YORK, NY—It was a warm summer afternoon and Claire Mathers was doing what she does best: pretending to work while she watched dance Toks. 

"I've always wanted to learn the moves, but apparently there can only be one Charli D'amelio. I respect that, but I still wanted to try," she explained, attempting to channel her inner Lizzo and obliterate the choreography of her new song. "I thought my dyslexia only affected my writing and reading but I guess it also ruined my foot comprehension as well."

Discouraged, she decided to do some post-failure stretching. Then, she felt it deep in her soul: a loud pop.

"When I looked in the mirror all of my dreams came true: I got the biggest ass this city has ever seen."

Her instagram followers skyrocketed. Her DMs from professional basketball players increased by 4000%. The news about her big badonkadonk spread quickly: Doctors and reporters alike were coming at her asking how? How did she get so thicc so fast? How is it possible she got the Mrs. Incredible over night?

The answer?

Always the same: "That's a secret I'll never tell, xoxo bigass girl".