High-Ranking ICE Official Who Grew Up Reading X-Men Comics Perfectly Cool With Detention Camps For Children

High-Ranking ICE Official Who Grew Up Reading X-Men Comics Perfectly Cool With Detention Camps For Children

Someone page Professor X!

Despite the fact that ICE official Colin Jeffers grew up idolizing the X-Men, he says he’s “absolutely cool” with detention camps for children, sources reported Monday. 

“The X-Men stood for something,” explained Jeffers as he expanded the camp by 75 square feet to cram in another 300 children.

Jeffers, who has worked for ICE since its inception and brags about his personal tally of over 79,000 deportations, described himself as a diehard X-Men fan since childhood while ignoring that the X-Men began as an allegory for 1960s Civil Rights and still serve as surrogates for the marginalized people the Trump administration continues to cast aside. 

“A lot of people think that these comics are just action, but the X-Men stories are deep. These tales of oppression stay with you long after you put the comic down,” Jeffers mused while scissor-kicking two Honduran infants in the face.

“Sometimes I wish I could be a superhero like them, but I like to think I’m getting pretty close here in real life,” mused Jeffers as he dunked five more migrants’ faces in an overflowing water fountain. Following the brief struggle, Jeffers smiled, making an “X” with his arms while exiting into his 2007 Hummer.

UPDATE: Flexx informed him that the “X” is in Black Panther, so Jeffers has since retracted the gesture.

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