Help! Pusha T Bodied Me On A Diss Track But We've Never Even Met

Help! Pusha T Bodied Me On A Diss Track But We've Never Even Met

Help! Pusha T totally eviscerated me in his recent diss track “Tennis Shoes” but, here’s the the thing, I don’t think we’ve ever met.

Look, I’ve been a big fan of Push since the guy started. I’ve seen him live twice. I’m a fan. And while I admit that his latest track is a USDA certified banger… The line where he explicitly says, “Rory McCormick in West Palm Beach is a total asshat with no friends” felt very... How do I put this? Deliberate.

I just don’t understand why or how this could have happened. He goes on for an airtight 16 ripping me apart for failing my driver’s test three times… And that happened in 2008. Did I piss him off somehow? Has he always felt this way about me? He knows things that not even my spouse knows.

And what’s more - the song is 19 minutes long. It practically qualifies as an EP. And it’s all about me. Unless there’s another 26-year-old Rory McCormick who lives in West Palm Beach and drives a maroon Honda cross-over, which, Drake did not let slip by.

And if you thought it couldn’t get worse, he released the song for free. Now everyone in the world knows I cheated on my senior biology test. And that I had lice my freshman year of college. Or that once, literally once, I wore my wife’s underwear when she was out of town.

It just makes me so worried… And I’m also torn because the song frickin’ slaps. I just feel like I’m in a very precarious situation because the song has truly ruined my life but I also think it’s King Push’s crowning achievement.

The last 8 minutes of the song are: “You’re ugly, you’re ugly, you’re ugly.” Do you know what it’s like when your kids are singing a song about you to you? It’s… harrowing.

Anyway, if anybody knows how this has come to pass… I’d love some closure. I’m listening to the song as I write this and I can’t help but feel like he’s taken away my very essence. The line where he compares my chin to a marshmallow has really just about collapsed me.

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