Harvard Admissions Confirms Discrimination — Against Dumb Asians
The Harvard College admissions committee has previously released a statement denying discrimination against all Asian American applicants. However, in a surprising turn, the committee has now publicly confessed to rejecting “the dumb Asians.”
Asian Americans of the class of 2023 have an average 4.0 GPA, 1680 SAT scores (above the 1600 maximum), and have been to space. Harvard has deemed all other Asian applicants “slobbering dullards” and “classless curs.”
The Harvard president commented: “Dumb Asians? This is Harvard, not UCLA.”
Asian American groups like the Harvard Chinese Association and the Jabbawockeez have spoken out against Harvard. One student coalition alleges it is biologically impossible for Asian Americans to underperform, and that any self-identifying Asian American is of the requisite caliber to attend Harvard College regardless of low scores and not doing diddly-squat with their lives.
Some Harvard students disagree.
“Per my calculations, we should not allow the entrance of stupid Asian Americans, like Gia Gunn, or boring Asian Americans. We let Jeremy Lin in and we clearly regret that,” a smart Harvard student explained.