FLEXX Investigates: Who Is Nailing Cory Booker's Girlfriends?
Cory’s in the house — but who’s in his girl?
We’ve all heard the rumors: Mr. Booker’s been cucked countless times. His revolving door of suitors constantly besieged by superior dick. But who is the mystery man attached to this dick?
Earlier this week, Flexx received a box of files from an anonymous source. The box contained over 100,000 documents, all pertaining to the man who keeps fucking Cory Booker’s girlfriends.
After extensive examination, it seems these documents allow us to trace this mystery man’s courtship of Cory’s girls. Ranging from hotel receipts, used Dairy Queen cups, transcribed WeChat calls, Neopets pet pages, and photos of Cory’s then-lovers accompanying a blurred out figure to Schlitterbahn (home of the United States’ tallest waterslide). Taken together, the documents revealed a portrait of a man absolutely determined to cuck Cory — at any cost.
Flexx hired an elite team of forensic scientists to pore over the documents and thus identify this mystery lover. Using the thousands of leads provided in the documents, our scientists arrived at a shocking discovery: everyone is pounding Cory’s girls.
The Starbucks barista with an eye patch. Crocodile Dundee. The president of the Bahamas. Literally every single individual in the world, across every race and class, all cucking Cory.
The Flexx editors attempted to hold a meeting to determine our next steps in the investigation, but the meeting has been postponed until our culture editor Diana Chan gets back from her “romantic 1-on-1 karaoke date” with Rosario Dawson.