Desi Mom Brags That Daughter Spends All Of Therapy Talking About Her
On Tuesday morning, Ranjana Patel bragged that her daughter, Ami Patel, spends all of therapy talking about her. “That’s one hour a week, a $20 copay and hours of feeling weird, all because she’s busy talking about me,” she beams, recalling a recent fight in which her daughter revealed that 90% of her therapy sessions revolve around her mother. “She says my ‘lack of boundaries’ is ‘impressive.’” After spending many minutes shouting “I’m impressive” through a megaphone in the Costco parking lot, she excused herself to text Ami “beta!!!!!! hello!!!!” for the sixth time in ten minutes.
“Every time we talk about anything,” starts Nicole Shah, Ami’s therapist, “Whether it’s about her job, or her succulents, or the guy she’s fucking who doesn’t wash his hands after he pees, it always comes back to her mom. Also, sometimes we catch her hiding in my office wearing huge glasses and a fake mustache, so she kind of comes up then, too.”
Ami who was recently accused by her mother of having “unmarriage-able eyebrows,” wishes her mother would stop making her feel guilty all the time. “I love her, and I know she has her own trauma she’s dealing with, but I wish she’d stop pushing her expectations onto me,” said Ami. “Like I just want to have one conversation with her where she doesn’t say, ‘When I die, then you will know.’”
“When I die, then she will know,” nodded Mrs. Patel, while sending her family WhatsApp group chat an 18-minute video about virginity. “But for now, this is nice. I used to think that therapy was just for white teenagers who eat drugs, but now I’m really happy that my daughter has a weekly space to focus on me.”