Día De Muertos Ofrendas For Relatives That Did You Wrong
Ahhh, it’s that time of year again! Día de Muertos, where you remember and honor relatives by building ofrendas (or alters) with all their favorite things, and basically roast them.
Ideally they’re relatives that you love, so you want them to come visit you and have a nice time; but what if you have beef with that relative? Aside from using dead Flor de Muerto and plastic six pack holders (instead of Papel Picado) to decorate, here are some examples of ofrendas for relatives that did you wrong (I’m talkin’ bout you Primo!):
For the Bisabuelo that left your Tío’s wife the family cookbook instead of you: if she loved Oreos, buy her the off-brand Oreo’s and smash them with a hammer. ¡Disfruta!
For the Tío that used to make fun of you because you had big teeth: if he liked Suduko, leave a book of Suduko for him, but one with most of the puzzles done already. Incorrectly. In Pen.
For the Abuelo that was always turning off Selena to listen to Frank Sinatra: get him a Sinatra record and then take a safety pin to it so it’ll skip on his favorite track.
For the Primo that peed on your leg when you were five (Marcos!): If he likes Arnold Palmers, make him some, but use iced tea and pee instead of iced tea and lemonade. ¡Salud! (R.I.P. nobody saw that truck coming.)
And finally, for that Tíos wife who got the family cook book: if she likes Nicholas Spark’s novels, leave her the one she didn’t get a chance to read, but rip out the last 4 chapters. She’ll never know the ending!
Only you and that relative know what they did to you, so get creative, and be specific! The worse the crime, the worse the ofrenda can be. Have fun!
Happy Dia De Los Muertos.