Chernobyl 2: Teen Holds Breath In Bathroom To Prevent Inhalation Of Dookie Air
Terry Smith, 16, entered his high school bathroom just to be assaulted by an impenetrable wall of Class-45 dookie air. Reporters in hazmat gear caught up with him after the harrowing event.
“I remember walking in and immediately exclaiming at the top of my lungs, ‘DAMN, IT SMELL LIKE DOODOO!’ Only to regret already wasting precious oxygen,” recounted Smith at his locker between class bells.
It gets worse: in his hand was an open bottle of Brisk tea now instantly contaminated with stank.
“I had no choice but to bury the bottle under concrete and steel,” says Smith.
According to sources, Smith ran to the urinal, nose plugged, breath held, and relieved himself as fast as he could. He even did the fake hand wash—where swipe your soapless hands through the water one time and wipe it on your jeans. He managed to escape the bathroom before losing consciousness, but it was still too late. The dookie air had already entered in his bloodstream.
“Imagine a bullet flying through the air and ripping through everything,” explained Dookie expert and Smith’s best friend, Reggie. “Now, imagine a trillion of those bullets. That’s what the booty flakes were doing in there.”
Another victim of this incident was CJ Tha God (@cjthagod), who reportedly ducked his head through the bathroom door to yell a prolonged “YOOOOOOOOO!!!!” and then immediately left. Even ten seconds of such close exposure was detrimental to his health and his lineage. He was last seen FaceTiming at full volume from the nurse’s office.
Smith’s girlfriend of two weeks, Amanda, was distraught and confused.
“They won’t let me see him,” she tells reporters. “They said the caca levels were through the roof. They said he didn’t have a face.”
“Booty rods melt, they do not explode,” says Reggie. “But reports are telling me that there were visible flakes on the ground. It’s never been heard of.”
The drama doesn’t end there, unfortunately. Amanda and her friends approached the source of the horrific event, Junior, as he exited the bathroom with a bashful grin.
When confronted he simply stated, “Man, y’all are too much.”