Carmelo Anthony Signs $16 Million Shoe Deal With Payless
Cementing his status as one of the league’s biggest and best names, ten-time NBA All-Star Carmelo Anthony announced at a press conference Thursday that he had inked a massive sixteen million dollar shoe deal with Payless ShoeSource.
“The ‘Air Melos’ are made from a completely non-breathable fabric, cutting off all air flow to the feet,” said Payless spokesperson Ryan Geiger, adding that the new sneakers come in three different styles and weigh nineteen pounds a piece.
“Note the sneakers’ baby-soft cushion and the complete lack of support it provides” said product designer Mariano Garay. “We began with an ergodynamic, functional design, and then—mirroring Melo’s patented style of play—simply filled the shoes with rocks and maple syrup.”
“We’ve been in the sneaker lab for months, conducting experiments, collecting data, really pushing these shoes to their limit,” continued Garay. “Preliminary tests showed that players rocking the Air Melos tossed cleaner, crisper bricks, and were nearly four times as likely to put up an absolute clunker in crunch time.”
At time of print, representatives announces that the Air Melos would released during the NBA’s opening game, perfectly coinciding with Anthony checking out for the remainder of the season.