Black Tweens Ask For The Right To See R-Rated Movies Since Police Insist On Treating Them Like Adults
Black tweens across the nation have banded together to offer a compromise to police: “If you’re gonna treat us like adults, at least let us watch movies like adults.”
“I’ve just got so much to worry about: a math test, bake sale, police officers using excessive force on me even though I weigh 70 pounds.” said 7th grader Cassie Devine. “The least the government could do is let me and my friends watch Girls Trip without having to bring a parent. It was so embarrassing watching the grapefruit scene with my mom there.”
Parents of teens are hesitant about their kids growing up too fast, especially because they still find themselves having to scold them for things like to not brushing their teeth before bed. But if law enforcement continues to treat them as adults, many are in agreement that it should come with a few perks.
“I was waiting to give my son ‘the talk’ until his 17th birthday. But now it looks like I’ll have to move that up if the government lets these kids watch R-rated movies,” said Jemele Starks, mother of an 11 year-old boy. “Oh, and I guess I should move up ‘the police talk’ as well. It’s going to be a long evening.”
At press time, it seems like the government is closer to letting the tweens watch R-Rated movies than they are to stopping the cops from treating the kids like adults. “The task of changing the law enforcements’ state of mind would be a multi-year operation of uprooting decades of racial bias. We’ll let the kids watch movies. I hear Halloween is good,” said senator Mitch McConnell.